Bloodthirsty fans of the classic slashers of yesteryear should be sated by MY BLOODY VALENTINE (2009), a gory trip that's not just a remake but a retro-amalgam of the greatest hits from the 1970s, '80s, and '90s. The HALLOWEEN-influenced, eerily Canadian 1981 original holds a modest place in many horror hearts despite its notoriously trimmed violence. But even those who haven't seen it will get the feeling that this VALENTINE sports an amplified blood-and-guts factor, one that brings with it the distinctly outlandish brutality and hulking-masked-killer archetype of a FRIDAY THE 13th instalment combined with the polished chase scenes of post-SCREAM teen horror.




As if this gore-ucopia didn't have enough spices already, its premise and structure are also indebted to such cheeky mystery-slashers as HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME and APRIL FOOL'S DAY. A decade after traumatized miner Harry Warden goes on a pickaxe massacre, guilt-stricken Tom (Jensen Ackles) returns to his quaint hometown only to find that a string of similar murders has started up. With Warden believed to be long dead, Sheriff Axel casts suspicion on Tom. It seems his old flame, Sarah, is the only one who truly believes he's innocent. The movie's horror-expert filmmakers imbue VALENTINE with the reliably enjoyable entertainment-trumps-logic of slasher films, especially in the way everyone in town--including the police--seems way more interested in proving or disproving Harry Warden's involvement than actually stopping the in-progress murder spree. Similarly, beloved genre vet Tom Atkins (NIGHT OF THE CREEPS) is on hand to deliver a coolly understated retired-cop performance. But peppered in are some nifty subliminal visual flourishes and at least one off-the-wall sequence (think fully naked, fleeing little people, and a box-spring-as-cage). The 3-D version is uncommonly well-integrated, subjecting viewers not only to hair-raising projectiles, but an effective immersion into the mise-en-scene.

May 2009

A remake of the 1981 classic horror film, My Bloody Valentine stars Jensen Ackles and Jaime King and is directed by Patrick Lussier (The Eye).

Ten years ago, a tragedy changed the town of Harmony forever. Tom Hanniger, an inexperienced coal miner, caused an accident in the tunnels that trapped and killed five men and sent the only survivor, Harry Warden, into a permanent coma. But Harry Warden wanted revenge. Exactly one year later, on Valentine's Day, he woke up...and brutally murdered twenty-two people with a pickaxe before being killed.

Ten years later, Tom Hanniger returns to Harmony on Valentine's Day, still haunted by the deaths he caused. Struggling to make amends with his past, he grapples with unresolved feelings for his ex-girlfriend, Sarah, who is now married to his best friend, Axel, the town sheriff. But tonight, after years of peace, something from Harmony's dark past has returned. Wearing a miner's mask and armed with a pickaxe, an unstoppable killer is on the loose. And as his footsteps come ever closer, Tom, Sarah and Axel realize in terror that it just might be Harry Warden who's come back to claim them...

• A shameless but effective slasher remake - Empire